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About Literature / Hobbyist Premium Member FranklesFemale/United Kingdom Group :icontheknow: TheKnow
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Deviant for 4 Years
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Flash Fiction

The Clapham and District Pirate ChoirIt had been a long day at Pirate Primary School and the Ruthless Edward (aged 6) was getting ready for bed. He sighed as he pulled on his pyjama bottoms. He really wanted a wooden leg like all the cool kids but Granny had said he couldn’t have an amputation until he was 18.
He buttoned up his pyjama top and got under the duvet with his ruthless teddy just as Granny came in with a snack for him. He sat up and she handed him the plate, and then she sat down beside him on the edge of the bed.
“So, what did you do at school today?”
The Ruthless Edward rested the plate on his knee and thought. “We learned about pirated material, Granny,” he said. “Stealing other people’s work.” He frowned. “It was pretty boring—not like real pirates at all.”
“No,” agreed Granny, smiling, “that isn’t much like our kind of piracy but it does have its origin in proper pirates. Shall I tell you about it?”
The Ruthles
Insects“Thank you for coming in,” said the interviewer, as they settled down on opposite sides of the desk. “It’s Mr. Carlton, isn’t it? May I call you Paul?”
“Yes. Yes, that’s fine,” said Carlton, attempting to relax.
The interviewer checked the piece of paper in front of him, and looked up again. “Well, Paul, perhaps we could start with you telling me a little about why you would be suitable for the job.”
“Right,” said Carlton. “Um, well, I’ve worked in security for 15 years, first for—”
The interviewer interrupted him. “Actually, it’s not security work.”
“Isn’t it?” Carlton looked bewildered. “But the advert mentioned intruders and keeping out unwelcome visitors…”
The interviewer smiled a little. “That is true. But we’re talking more about pest control.”
Carlton’s face fell. “Right. Well, I’m sorry fo

HomonymsDarren was carefully pouring a jug of water into his biology textbook.
“What are you doing?” asked Miss Markham.
Darren looked up at his English teacher. “The exams are coming up soon, so I’m pouring over my books.”
Miss Markham sighed. “It’s not ‘pouring’, it’s ‘poring’.” She beckoned to Darren. “Come and take a walk with me, young man. You might learn something.”
Going down the lane, they came across a path leading away from the road. A young woman in a flamboyant white dress and an older man in a morning suit were just about to start hiking down it.
“Ah! Excellent—here’s a good example to begin with,” said Miss Markham to Darren.
She stopped and addressed the girl. “You know, this isn’t a bridal path. It’s a bridle path—for horses and their riders.”
“Oh…” said the bride. “You know, that does make
I've Really Lost My MindThe young man smiled, with just a touch of embarrassment. “I seem to have lost my mind.”
The female attendant looked at him. “This is a railway ticket office.”
“You want the lost property section over there.” She pointed at a counter where a severe-looking man was rearranging misplaced umbrellas.
“Thank you!” The young man nodded politely and headed across to the other section.
The lost property attendant looked up as the young man approached. “Is it an umbrella you want?” He indicated the display.
The young man appeared to be tempted for a moment by a purple one decorated with cats and dogs, but then apparently remembered why he was there.
“No,” he said. “I’ve lost my mind. I’m pretty sure here was the last time I used it—I was trying to work out what would be the cheapest ticket to Inverness on a weekday in June, outside peak hours, travelling with my back to the engin
A selection from my flash fiction.
Background by berzelmeier Box by CypherVisor


SmugglingJohn was in the frozen vegetables aisle, contemplating the advantages of peas over broccoli, when Sherlock suddenly appeared beside him.
“What the..?” said John.
“I’m here on a case.” Sherlock was staring over John’s shoulder. “Just try to act naturally.”
John looked round and saw a scruffy, prematurely-aged woman shuffling towards the baked goods. He turned back to Sherlock.
“Isn’t that a member of your homeless network—Miss… Adlington?”
Sherlock nodded, and then tensed. “The security guard’s spotted her.”
“Oh, God,” said John. “Please tell me you haven’t got that poor woman doing shoplifting for you.”
Sherlock glanced at John. “Of course not. Miss Adlington hasn’t done a dishonest thing in her life.”
His gaze returned to the woman. “People working in security always make such stereotypical assumptions. She’s just the decoy
Floor Coverings“Oh, dear God!”  Abruptly, Watson found himself horizontal.
He raised his head from where he lay and glared up at Holmes. “Care to tell me why you’ve greased the sitting room floor?”
“Well,” said Holmes, “I needed to find out how far a man would slide if…”
“Just pick me up, you wretched man!”
Holmes rushed into the sitting room to find Watson once more flat on his back, having slipped—perhaps surprisingly—on a patch of ice.
“My dear fellow!” cried Holmes. “I should have warned you of my experiment!”
“You better have a damned good explanation why I’m lying here with a rapidly chilling backside,” said Watson.
“It’s conduction,” said Holmes. “Heat travels...”
He caught Watson’s expression. “I see. I’ll just help you up then.”
Holmes smiled.

The Prosecution Rests"You? Doing jury service?" grinned John, reading his flatmate's letter.
"I will kill Mycroft," said Sherlock.
Both sides had concluded their arguments.
"Well, it looks straightforward to me," said the foreman, in the jury room. "I don’t think he did the burglary. The prosecution's case was pretty flimsy."
There was general agreement to this.
Sherlock smiled.
"Guilty," said the bewildered foreman.
"Guilty?" said the judge, surprised despite himself.
“Yes,” said the foreman. He paused for a moment, concentrating. “His laces indicate his alibi is false, his posture tells us he’s been in the area where the burglary took place, and his chronic dandruff suggests he’s actually been inside the burgled property. Oh, and the defendant needs 37 other offences to be taken into consideration.” The foreman glanced briefly behind him. “Probably."
From the back row, Sherlock nodded in satisfaction.
John gazed at the stunned-looking jurors gathering in th
Trailing BehindJohn hadn’t been able to drop off at all in the caravan. Sherlock, conversely, was sleeping like a baby. Up every two hours and making a hell of a racket.
“Sherlock,” said John. “There is no nicotine in this vehicle. Go to bed.”
Sherlock glared and sipped his fifth cup of coffee.
John groaned.
At least the case was over. Tomorrow they would be back in London.
John checked the connection between the caravan and car and got into the driver’s seat.
“Shall I drive..?” asked Sherlock.
Ah, apologising for last night, thought John.
“We don’t want to end up crashing into the embankment if your shoulder locks,” said Sherlock.
John started the car.
For an hour he listened to Sherlock complaining. Despite having just solved a case, Sherlock was already craving more stimulation.
At the next service station John pulled over.
“I’ve had enough. Go and buy some cigarettes.”
Sherlock stared. “Really?”
A selection from my 221Bs.
Background by Gasara Box by CypherVisor

Fan Fiction for the Unconvinced

Literature Features

The Last Day of JuneIt had been a long, hot day and Redshirt Dave, Jane Doe, Mary Sue and Main Protagonist of Indeterminate Gender were cooling off on the shaded deck of their back garden enjoying the sunset. Main Protagonist of Indeterminate Gender was just reflecting on how uneventful the world had been lately when they were rudely interrupted by a loud droning noise overhead.
Our heroes looked up to determine the source of the noise but as none of them had x-ray vision today it was of no use. Jane Doe immediately volunteered to leave the shade to investigate but was pulled back in to safety by the others as the entire back garden was suddenly lit up in a glowing turqoise. Strange creatures started appearing before them, pixelating in the turqoise glow as if they'd beamed there from a spaceship--which, on reflection, it seemed quite likely they had. The creatures were roughly a foot tall and no two were the same colour. When ten of them were in the yard the turqoise glow died down and the creatures look
FFM15 - 1: It Ain't Easy Being Green“Nobody appreciates Celery,” the leafy green stalk moped. “I have many qualities, you know. I’m good in a salad, and soup. I go well with peanut butter, but all you ever hear is ‘95% water’.” His voice became a high pitched whine at the end.
“95% hot air, if you ask me,” Cauliflower muttered. Carrot sniggered in the corner.
Celery rounded on them both. “You’re 92% Cauli! And you look like Broccoli that time he fell in the cheese sauce, so don’t you get smart with me!”
“Hey,” Broccoli said, waddling over. “Calm down, Cel. We’re all Vegebros here. Let’s remember that.”
“Ha! Veges? I’ll tell you what, when Tomato sorts out his identity crisis and picks a damn side, then I’ll calm down.”
“It’s not my fault!” Tomato cried, blushing. “Mom was Vege, Dad was Fruit. How am I supposed to know what I am?”
“Tom can’t hel
FFM 2015 2: Santa Maria, Pray for MamaI have an early memory of rushing up into the nipa hut and stumbling toward where she bent sifting through the uncooked rice for little black stones. Mirth was bubbling in my chest--Mateo, that little lothario, had been trying to bestow kisses, and I had only managed to dash away, my bakya flying off to wallop him on the tummy. How my playmates had laughed!
I had to tell her of Mateo’s infernal new tactics! “Mama!” I caught her skirt, but before I could bury my blushing face into the plaid cotton that always, always smelled of her favorite hot strong chocolate, she shifted back, out of my reach, and the little black stones spilled down from the bowl to rain down on my face.
One night, I stirred as she tugged away a multicolored shawl of hers that I liked to clutch in my sleep. I sat up from the banig and watched her drape the shawl over her head. My mouth parted, but she touched a finger to my lips. “Hush now, Lucia. Mama will only be out a little while.”
FFM 2015, July 3 - The UnitPlayback (cj1.wav) started at 13:00:01
The name's Charles. I got a second name too, but I'll leave that to the future to suss out - some historian can get his doctorate on that. That is if the future will have historians and doctorates in it at all <chuckles>
I'll get right down to it: I think I found the source, and i think I found who we need to track down to end all of this. Typhoid Mary. Except her name's Jane Walberg. Since the virus is already known as the Walberg virus that makes for a kind of boring nickname don't it?
<sound of typing>
Okay boys and girls, calling up the text transcript now. Get a load of this, and note the datestamp!!!
Playback (cj1.wav) paused at 13:01:45, December 9 2025
Loading walberg_transcript_1.txt
Walberg Medical - Instant Messaging System (INTERNAL USE ONLY)
July 13, 2015.
Participants: Jane Walberg (JW), Fred Walberg (FW)

JW Says: dad? are yo u there dad? i know youre still at work please answer ican't call they respo
FFM2015 6 - Anthrophobia“When asked why he wants to travel into the black, Fadri declined to continue the interview. We will track his ship’s departure as far as we can see for the next few days, and report on anything that may occur. Thank you for listening to Anytime News: Reporting when it happens, as it happens.”
I turn the radio off. Thousands of stations throughout the universe would be saying and doing the same thing all day: speculating, tracking my ship, and pinging me endlessly for comment. I had prepared for this by disconnecting my public communications.
It’s not that I want to hide why I’m traveling beyond the stars, I just find it hard to explain. So much of my life has been spent trying to find purpose in the vastness that is the universe. I’ve traveled on ships, through wormholes, dimensional tears, teleported to hundreds of planets… I’ve been to so many places, done so much, and still not found a place for me.
And now all I have is a craz
Bodice Ripper'Imogen's bosom heaved as the scaly creature bore down on her. She was famous for being an eccentric adventurer, but had she been too eccentrically adventurous this time?
'She threw her head back in abandon. If fucking a velociraptor was wrong, she didn't want to be right.'
Susan squinted at her kindle. She wasn't quite sure why she'd downloaded this. These stories always seemed to portray rape as a valid romantic option; it creeped her out.
Suddenly a pack of velociraptors burst into the room. It wasn't consensual at first, but after a while it became consensual, so it was okay.
An Enid Blyton Tribute in Under 1,000 Words1: A New Term
There were three new girls waiting for the school train.
'I say, Ally,' said Coral, looking at a pretty girl with golden curls.  'She looks frightfully vain and spoilt.  I hope she won't be in Dorset House with us!'
'She looks like fun, though,' said Ally, seeing a girl with short hair and freckles.  'Mischievous, but a good sport.  Oh, she's coming over here.'
'Hello,' said the short-haired girl, with a boyish grin.  'I'm Tony.'
'What a queer name for a girl,' said Coral.
'Well,' said Tony, 'my real name is Antoinette, but I hate it.  Oh, here's Prissy.'
'Hello,' said the golden-haired girl.  'We've got three cars.'
'Snob,' said Coral, turning her back to the Prissy.  'What about the other new girl?  Do you know her name?'
'She's called Lily,' said Tony.
'Funny looking girl,' said Ally, staring in astonishment at Lily's body piercings and dyed black hair.  'She'd better not give us any cheek, or she'll be sat on!'
The Good, the Bad, and the Very, Very Lucky“Them’s be fightin’ wordses!” cried Bad Grammar McGraw.
    The patrons of the Anvil and Piano fell silent.
    “Wait!” shouted Unlucky Luke, waving his hands frantically. “I said posse. Your sister’s posse.”
    “He’s done saided it again!” McGraw slammed down his chuggin’ whiskey. “These calls for an duel!”
    Unlucky Luke found himself being shoved outside into the dusty street. He wasn’t sure whether it was deliberate or just a result of the natural rush of drunken cowboys hurrying to gawk. Either way, he found himself standing in the middle of the road facing down Bad Grammar McGraw.
    “Ain’t nobody is can outdraw McGraw!” He waggled his fingers over his holster.
    Unlucky Luke was aware that duelling etiquette dictated that he retu

Visual Favourites

Holmes on campus by WindmaedchenBathtub  Singing by WindmaedchenBaker Street Family by Windmaedchen
A selection from my favourites.
Background by NightBlueSky Box by CypherVisor



Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United Kingdom
Snoopy Writer Stamp by Mirz123

The Lord gathered all the writers and divided them into four groups.

To the first group He said, “You will be novelists and you will make a living from your work.”

To the second group He said, “You will be poets and people will admire and be moved by your work.”

To the third group He said, “You will write short stories and people will enjoy your work.”

And to the final group He said, “You will write flash fiction and… Yes, well, sorry about that.”

My name is Frankles. I'm a writer specialising in flash fiction.

(When I get called home, there are going to be words.)


Unless a man is in part a humorist, he is only in part a man.
GK Chesterton

Visual Favourite

Femlock by RikoJasmine
A piece selected from my favourites.
Background by NightBlueSky Box by CypherVisor


Add a Comment:
smartcookiethepony Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the llama!  Pearl Emote 37 
SCFrankles Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
You're most welcome ^^ :thecarlton: 
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Edited Jul 6, 2015  Professional Writer
The humor section totally made me think of you. Not sure if you've considered publishing before, or whether these resources accept submissions from overseas, but I thought I'd send it your way:…
SCFrankles Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
This was such a kind thought - thank you. I have considered getting my work published but I've never been brave enough to try.

I'll have a look at the resources and see what they say about submissions :D
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Professional Writer
Dude, I know what you mean. My inclination has been to start with smaller publications and work my way upward to bigger blogs. I haven't found a larger publication source yet that I feel quite fits me, but I'm on the lookout. For what it's worth, I think you've got a fighting chance. Your work always has me in stitches.
inkedacrylic Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you for adding my writing to your collection! :wow:
SCFrankles Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome ^^
inkedacrylic Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you for adding my writing to your collection :wow: I am honored!
SCFrankles Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You're most welcome ^^
I appreciate the favorite. Heart 

By the way, you write brilliantly. I mean it. :)
SCFrankles Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you - that's very kind ^^
Thank you for the faves, and the watch too ^^ :icongiveflowerplz:
days-be-strange Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2015
No problem. :)
BATTLEFAIRIES Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2015
Thank you for Favouriting my work! This means you now get to ask the Djinn ONE question --> 'Ask The Djinn' stamp by BATTLEFAIRIES <-- clicky clicky
The Djinn will answer truthfully and to the best of her considerate abilities.
Have fun (and come back often)!
ObsydianDreamer Featured By Owner May 25, 2015  Student General Artist
Thanks for faving the Flash Fiction contest Journal. Hope you can participate!
SCFrankles Featured By Owner May 26, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome - and I think I will have a go ^^ Maracas 
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