John turned from the mirror. "You know nothing about clothes. You never wear anything apart from your detective 'uniform'."
"I have a great deal of knowledge on the subject," said Sherlock. "It's important to understand why people choose to dress the way they do." He languidly considered John's outfit. "In this instance, for example, one might deduce you were short-sighted and colour-blind…"
"I'm going," said John and he left to meet Michelle, who loved the jumper. Unfortunately, John then spent the evening complaining about Sherlock.
Michelle declined a second date.
John stomped into the flat.
"Pleasant evening?" asked Sherlock from the kitchen.
John stomped into the kitchen.
"I'm a trained surgeon and soldier!"
Sherlock looked up from his experiment, mildly puzzled.
"You disparage my intellect!" yelled John. "You disparage my appearance!"
He glared at Sherlock. "Is it absolutely necessary always to belittle me?"
Sherlock rose from the table.
"I would never belittle you," he said solemnly.
He stepped towards John and stared intently down at his friend.
"It's difficult enough already seeing you with the naked eye."
John's extraordinarily expressive face wrote a 10,000 word essay on Sherlock Holmes: The Arguments in Favour of Murdering Him.
"Not good?" Sherlock asked carefully, taking a step backwards.
Who is John? Oh wait, I assume this from the TV show? I haven't watched it yet, but I still really like this.
"Michelle, who loved the jumper. Unfortunately, John then spent the evening complaining about Sherlock." Very amusing.
"John stomped into the flat. [...] John stomped into the kitchen." These are the funniest lines, I think. Lovely.
"John's extraordinarily expressive face wrote a 10,000 word essay on Sherlock Holmes: The Arguments in Favour of Murdering Him." This starts off quite wordy and I was thinking, "dear god, I hope all this imagery is worth the kick", but it most definitely was!
The one thing I spot that I think could improve this would be to delete the opening line, "John had a date." and let Sherlock's words open the piece.
Crikey, someone who hasn't watched Sherlock - you're a rare species ^^ John is Dr Watson: because the programme is set now, they call each other by their first names instead of Holmes and Watson. It felt so, so odd at the beginning ^^"
Thanks for all the compliments ^^ I really like the "stomping" lines, so I'm pleased you picked those out. And I'm glad you approved of the "10,000 word essay" sentence. I am generally Queen of the Short and Straightforward Sentence but this metaphor popped into my head and seemed too good not to use.
I think I see what you mean about the opening sentence - it is really just a blunt scene-setter. The second sentence is better. But I was pretty happy with the beginning and I have to admit I am hugely reluctant to change the story now I've got the wordcount right. However, it is only 4 words and I could overtly mention the date a little later on, so I will consider your suggestion ^_^
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment - it was very kind of you!
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More