The EquationThe cast had gathered together to witness the unveiling of the poster for:X = 8 + 7“Well, that’s unfair!” said +. “X is a complete unknown—it shouldn’t be getting higher billing than the rest of us!” + appeared a little cross. “You know, I’m considering walking out of this equation!”The producer sighed. “Look, I think I know the solution: X, will you reveal your true identity, please?”X whipped off its cloak and⸺“You’re 15!” said +, trying to curtsey and bow simultaneously. “I’m a huge fan.”“God, you’re such a snob,” muttered 8. It beamed over at the performer previously labelled ‘X’. “Just wanted to let you know, 15. Me and 7 always considered you our equal.”
Burgoyne - burning bushBurn¹ (to undergo combustion) nodded cautiously at his neighbour Burn² (Scottish stream), who waved back. It was an uneasy relationship, but fire and water never mixed well. Burn² always made him feel a bit put out.Burn¹ went back to anxiously scanning the page, and finally spotted Burnt and Burned approaching the entry—arguing as usual about which of them was right.He frowned at his offspring as they settled down alongside their siblings Burns and Burning. “Just where have you been?”Burnt and Burned sniggered.“Don’t go giving us the third degree,” sneered Burnt.His brother grinned. “Oo, burn!”
60 For 60: The Retired Colourman (2)A/N: "Cut out the poetry, Watson," said Holmes severely.“Too ‘poetic’?” I thrust my latest manuscript at Holmes. “There! You have my permission to edit it!”Some days later Holmes returned my story.“I think I have removed everything that was unnecessary,” he smirked.I glanced at his work, then frowned. “I will never understand your sense of humour, Holmes.”He had trimmed my story to exactly 60 words.
The Retired Colourman:The Senior Partner BrickfallA/N: “He says he was junior partner of Brickfall and Amberley, who are manufacturers of artistic materials.” Could “Brickfall” be a pseudonym?The senior colourman “Brickfall”:Was Watson thinking of Amberley’s brick wall?A metaphor for the truth coming out, ain’t it?Well, it depends how you paint it.
60 For 60: Shoscombe Old Place (2)A/N: SHOS was published in The Strand Magazine in 1927.“‘The firm, austere expression of those who have to control horses or boys...’”Holmes laughed, and lowered his periodical to find Mrs. Clitheroe, the housekeeper staring down at him.“Heavens! The exact expression!” He tossed the Strand onto the floor. “Though you don’t deal with boys and horses, of course.”Mrs. Clitheroe stooped, retrieving the magazine. “Not horses anyway, sir.”
Shoscombe Old Place: NorlettA/N: "But it was the voice of a man!" I cried.The actor, Norlett:Sir Robert’s ruin - he’s helping to stall it.But a better theatrical choiceWould be someone who could do the voice.
The QuestShe hopped from one foot to the other, jogged on the spot and finished the routine by bouncing up and down. The Quest could be put off no longer. It was time to go and face the Machine-Beast.This was not the monster’s true name, obviously. No-one knew that, though it did go by many titles:Johns. Jakes.Cyfleusterau.Toilet.“Mummy,” said the Quester. “I have to go.”“Right,” said Mummy, trying to get poster paint out of the tablecloth.“Would you..?” The Quester hesitated. “Would you come with me?”Mummy looked up from her task and gazed at the Quester.“Some things you just have to do on your own now,” she said.Of course.Of course.The Quester began her ascent. The stairs were steep but they were no longer frightening. She had traversed this territory so many times. At the top, she stopped and stared down the path she was obliged to take. The monster’s lair was dark, the door slightly ajar. The Que
The Lion's Mane: Fitzroy McPhersonA/N: The man was dressed only in his Burberry overcoat, his trousers, and an unlaced pair of canvas shoes.Fitzroy McPhersonWas a curious person.Wet and in pain, he got back in his trousers.Howzis?
60 For 60: The Lion's Mane (2)An Extract from Holmes’ Diary, Sussex, 1907Characters/Pairings: Holmes, Watson/LestradeA/N: …Watson had passed almost beyond my ken. An occasional week-end visit was the most I ever saw of him. This 60 was also influenced by Constable Anderson’s moustache.1st FebruaryWatson & Lestrade arrived today! Didn’t recognise Lestrade—he’s grown an enormous moustache.2nd FebruaryIn the night, during… a warm embrace, Watson & Lestrade’s facial hair somehow became enmeshed. An amusing rescue mission ensued, involving myself and a pair of nail scissors.How I laughed!24th JulyWatson & Lestrade still refusing to visit ever again. Pity.
Love BugW A R MK I S SC O L DS O R E