Lock Up Your Daughters

The drone smiled awkwardly at the worker bee.

“So. Your mother has asked me to have a word with you, young…” He paused. “...Buzzelle, is it?”

“Buzza, father!” said the worker bee.

“Oh, yes. Of course.” The drone paused again to clear his throat. “Well, your mother has asked me if I wouldn’t mind having a word about what those silly humans call ‘the birds and the bees’. Or to put it more clearly…” There was another round of throat clearing. “...reproduction.”

“Gosh,” said Buzza.

“Yes, indeed,” said her father. “Now, the fact of the matter is…”

He flitted from one side of the chamber to the other, before facing Buzza again.

“As you’re neither a queen nor a drone, you won’t actually be involved in the continuation of our species at all.”

“Oh.” Buzza looked somewhat taken aback. “I see.” She made to leave.

“No! There’s more!”

The drone then indulged in a rather hefty bit of throat clearing, which turned into a coughing fit.

“Do you want me to bang you on the thorax, father?” called Buzza.

“No, thank you, dear. I’m fine.”

The drone pulled himself together.

“You may already know that as part of your duties you will be collecting pollen from the flowers.”

Buzza nodded. “Yes, father.”

“Well, there’s actually a little more to it.”

The drone seemed to be finding something to Buzza’s right absolutely fascinating.

“You see, as you move from flower to flower, pollen from one flower will be transferred to another. Leading to cross-pollination and then to—” He looked down. “—fertilisation.”

Buzza’s eyes were wide. “You mean—”

The drone rushed on.

“And there’s also the foraging. Once you have located the flowers, there is a dance you have to perform in order to direct the other workers to—” He paused. “Well, I hesitate to use the word ‘orgy’ but...”

“Bloody hell!”

Buzza was beaming.

“So it’s all sex and drugs and rock ‘n’ roll? When can I start?”

Her father smiled weakly.

“I do think it’s perhaps not seemly to be quite so enthusiastic about—”

His wings slumped.

“Oh, what the heck. As long as you’re happy.”

He began to usher Buzza towards the door.

“Run along now, dear.”

He shook his head as he watched her leave.

“I do have twenty thousand more daughters to have this conversation with.”